i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
