That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
