and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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