omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
