Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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