SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
