I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
