Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
