Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
