So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
