Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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