Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
