You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
