i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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