before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
