Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
