Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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