im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
