im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up under a house in Key West
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