So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
