dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wear drunk well.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
