It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
