I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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