I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
