every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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