her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
