I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
