No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
