it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
