Is it because I queefed?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
