i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
