Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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