the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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