Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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