you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
