i just had sex bonerless
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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