my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
