I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
