I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
