i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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