remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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