last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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