he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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