i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
