This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
