1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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