I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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