Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
