Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize