i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
