If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
