I must be too annoying 4 u.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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