filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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