Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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