I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
