She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I skipped work to stalk him.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
