I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
