I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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