Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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