he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
