Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How naked do you want me to be?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
