This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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