I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
