Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
