When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
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I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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