She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i out mim tonsoeep
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