why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
