i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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