Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
