ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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