it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
operation harelip BJ is a go
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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