she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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