you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
