i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
