allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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