An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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