I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
