and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Pants are for mortals
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
