I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
