Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
