I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
